


Flavion Reborn

by The_Exile



Category: Paper Mario: The Thousand Year Door
Genre: Chaos, F/M, Humor, Post-Game(s), Sea Voyages, Spoilers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-21
Updated: 2018-05-21
Packaged: 2019-05-09 17:47:22
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,014
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14720753
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/The_Exile/pseuds/The_Exile
Summary: In which Koops sets out on an epic adventure with many of his friends.





	Flavion Reborn

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Ysavvryl](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Ysavvryl/gifts).



To all would-be intrepid adventurers out there, read the sign, a new opportunity has risen, right within your very home town. That's right, YOU could sign up to this once-in-a-lifetime event right away! An expedition to the FURTHEST REACHES of the world, to uncharted waters filled with danger and excitement, to see wonders unseen by humankind, Koopa, Bob-Omb or otherwise! Untold glory and riches GUARANTEED to be yours should you be brave enough to sign up and then prove yourself MAN ENOUGH to survive the almost certain TERRIBLE BEASTS and FIENDISH TRAPS and OTHER NIGHTMARISH THINGS THAT DWELL IN THE DARK UNREVEALED CORNERS OF THE WORLD! Almost certainly guaranteed: exotic new pets, beautiful women unwise to the ways of the outside world, delicious fruit that are unlikely to all be deadly poisonous...

"And all you have to do is sign a clever contract, pay a fee, then agree to work on board the old codger's boat for free, huh?" the gigantic bird of prey growled. He tore down the notice and crumpled it into a ball. It might indeed be a once-in-a-lifetime opportunity - the overstuffed shirt of a coot would probably end up in jail for pulling off one con too many, especially in a town like this - but he reckoned he could safely pass it up.

No, it was unkind to call it a genuine, malicious con. The old nobleman probably believes he could really discover something out on his random ramblings around the ocean. No doubt he even thinks there's a chance of the others on his crew really finding this treasure and girls and parrots and whatever else. He's never hit it lucky yet but he still has hope that the next time will be the one, that he's exhausted all his bad luck so can only be left with the right choices by now. After all, the thing he's looking for definitely exists, it must be somewhere and he's running out of wrong places to look. With an inheritance like his, as long as he stops every now and makes sure his mundane trade ships are still bringing at least something back home, he can afford to fund these things indefinitely. It might be eating up most of his income, especially as the few actually interesting things he found seemed to invariably be the sort of 'terrible beasts', as he put it, that ate boats whole. 

"If I was at the helm of one of those expeditions of his," Rawk Hawk growled, "I'd get through just fine, 'cause none of the sea monsters would DARE come near my boat! I'd eat 'em whole! Smack 'em in the beak! They have beaks, right?" he paused to scratch the long feathers of the crest on his head with polished, curved talons, "Whatever they have, I'll kick 'em and bite 'em an' claw 'em an'... it's gonna RAWK!"

The last word was screeched at the top of his voice, a keening wail that sent a roosting flock of Lakitu scrambling out of a nearby bush, into the air and fluttering on their breezes to safety. Rawk Hawk's taloned fist pump barely avoided taking one of their eyes out and left cloud trails dissipating all around him. A startled ice cream and candy floss vendor was also now staring at him wide-eyed, unable to speak, along with his entire crowd.

"Uh... sorry..." he growled, feathers drooping. He was making small children cry. He had been told not to do that any more. It was driving the audience away. 

He shook himself down, facepalming and groaning. That's over with, he reminded himself, that entire way of life. No manager's gonna tell you what to do any more or take you for a ride. Besides, you were never really the strongest one there. Not really, when everything was genuinely on an even playing field and no drama or politics was going on in the arena. 

I should have gotten out of there a lot earlier... it does things to your head... controls you...

"What're you doing with that poster, mister?" 

He looked down at the young Koopa who had appeared behind him without his knowledge - his battle instincts were already going to pot - and was reading the poster upside down from its position in his hand, crumpled and slightly torn but still just about legible.

The boy's reptilian face creased in effort, "Expedition... furthest... reaches... hey, are you going on an adventure?"

"What? Uh, no, I was just gonna..."

"Oh, no, duh, you need to get your crew together first, don't you?" the boy had begun to jump up and down, possibly due to too much candy floss already, "Ooh, I know you should ask... Koops! He's like this famous Koopa who saved the world and he comes from my home town and I picked up his hat that he dropped once and..." he paused for breath, "What am I sayin', I bet you know him better than I do," he frowned, "You are someone famous, aren't you? You're from the Arena, right? You look strong and fierce... Do you know that dinosaur guy? You do know Koops, right?"

Rawk Hawk sighed, clenching his beak and resisting the urge to disperse the crowd with his best hunting screech, "Yeah, yeah, I've met him. He does kinda remind me of you, now I come to think of it."

The Koopa boy's already rather bulbous eyes went wide and he began to jump at twice the rate in the same amount of time, making Rawk Hawk feel rather dizzy, "R... really? Oh, wow! That's it, I'm gonna be just like Koops when I grow up, just you see! Then I'll join you on your next adventure!"

"I'm not going on a..."

"Hey, everyone, this guy's going on an adventure! He's taken the notice so he can go and give it in and everything! Mister, hold up, you're going the wrong way - the port authority is that way! Go there quickly or you'll miss out like the notice added!"

"Look, kid, why don't you actually listen to a w..."

"Oh, you're still going the wrong way, here, I'll help you!" the boy began to pull on his sleeve. he hissed as one of his feather was accidentally pulled out. He was about to finally lose patience and unleash a stream of harsh invectives, small crowd or no small crowd - he probably wasn't going to come back here anyway - when he suddenly realised the crowd was a lot larger now and a lot more focused on him rather than him incidentally making amusing noises in a square that more importantly contained a good source of delicious ice cream. 

At first he flinched but then it began to come back to him. He was preening, he realised, smoothing feathers and combing his crest back, turning to show off his good side to a group of girls. A camera flashed.

Maybe this was still the life for him after all. And he had to show that moron the error of his ways, show him how to do a grand adventure correctly and with style.

"Okay, does anyone want to join me?" he suddenly roared, flexing his biceps. The boy jumped back but looked more excited than truly startled, "Who thinks they are MAN enough to go on a GRAND ADVENTURE with the RAWK HAWK? I'm auditioning right here, right now, so we can get this done before the port shuts for the day, so you'd better all get ready to RAWK!"  
-  
"D'you really have to go again, Koopsie?" that was her pet name for him. It made the tips of his scales burn red every time, especially when she was giving him those big wide Koopa Kitten eyes and clasping his hand, grown too calloused in the rigours of his last adventure, in her soft, warm grip that was still hard for him to ever let go of.

"I love you too, baby, but you know how I get this wanderlust and when something like this calls me from all the way across the sea..."

"Whatever it is you're looking for, you've found it, don't you understand? It's here! With me! This is your home and we're... we're the answer to each other's questions, you know? We complete each other."

"Darling, you'll always be the most important thing to me, whatever I find," he looked her straight in the eye, "And you'll always be the port I return to. The thing is, there'll always be new mysteries, new questions..."

"What if something happens to you out there, though? Something that means you can't come back?"

"I can't not come back, Koopie Koo," he told her, tightening his grip to match hers, their eyes both wider, "Don't you see? My love for you won't allow it."

"You really do have a way with words, don't you, you roguish adventurer, you?" she smiled, "Seriously, though, I don't care what that stupid poster says about once-in-a-lifetime opportunities. That's what all scams say, and you really think he'll just give up if he can't find something right now? Scams are always dangerous, Koops, and I'm not letting you walk into danger for nothing."

"Your new job isn't exactly gonna be safe either, Koopie-pie," he reminded her. 

"Guarding a dungeon post-defeat, when there's nothing worth guarding? Safest thing a Koopa can do. There's not even a post-quest rush, at least not in this neck of the woods."

"You never know when some idiot with a sword is just gonna find the place and assume the worst and... look, I can strike it rich out there, I promise you. You don't have to work for someone like Bowser."

"The old bastard's not that bad really, you know, Koops. He's always been the one who keeps us in jobs, even in the bad old days when we were still treated like monsters. He's desperate right now, what with his plan being foiled again, he put everything into it and he lost it all. He has to be nice to all his employees. We're getting fair pay, he repaired the safety rails, he's started listening to our Union for once..."

"Where's he getting all this money from straight after his defeat, though? When's it gonna run out? Or is he suddenly gonna get discovered doing whatever he's doing wrong now? Baby, he's not a nice guy. He's not the worst out there but you can't just pretend to yourself..."

"You been talkin' to that human and that princess for too long, ya know," Koopie Koo frowned, "Stopped thinking like a Koopa. You think any other boss out there will treat you any differently? You think even the Princess doesn't have her issues? You've grown up a lot since you helped Mario but you still haven't really learnt to think for yourself. If you go out there, can you promise me you're going to be the hero of your own story and not just get bossed around by Flavio or whoever else talks a good talk?"

"Yeah! I'll be the real hero!" Koops beamed, "I'll be the first ever genuine Koopa hero!"

"And you'll come back to me whatever happens?"

"Whatever happens," repeated Koops, "You too! I wanna see you as the first person to greet me when I come back home loaded with glory and fame!"

"And if it's a scam, you're going to throw Flavio's fat ass overboard?"

"If I can lift him," promised koops, "And if there isn't already a queue lined up round the boat."

"And you've really packed everything on the list I left with you, and didn't just pretend?"

"Right down to the spare underwear and the toothbrush!"

"And no extra useless stuff!"

"I ain't negotiatin' on the Samus action figure, but everything else..."

She sighed, "Okay, you can have the stupid figure."

"Don't forget to feed the goldfish while I'm out," he said, "Once a day. With actual fish food. And don't take them to work!"

"I can look after a goldfish, Koops, these are things you would do, not me," she sighed, "I'm still not letting you go without a meal to keep you fed for the journey. I'm not convinced I can trust you to eat real food on your own."

He grinned. Koopie Koo's cooking was the best, outside of his mother's.

Already anticipating the flavour - ten times anything that Zes T. could have dreamed up - he returned to packing his bags and planning his journey from the Koopa village to the main port town. He didn't have that long - the boat left in two days, once they had a full crew. It hadn't occurred to him to wonder what would happen if there wasn't a full crew. That was the sort of thing that Koopie Koo always thought of. He looked up for the fourth time today at all the souvenirs spread across the wall over his desk, also spilling out onto the table itself. Photographs, notes, anatomical diagrams, maps and carefully traced routes, pressed flowers and butterflies and gifts given to them by grateful locals, some of them women almost as beautiful as Koopie Koo, like that cloud lady... He blushed and forced himself to think only about his betrothed's face, not about vast cumulonimbus curves. She had only paid attention to him when she teased him meaninglessly, anyway. The point was, he would never forget any moment of his last adventure, even if he hadn't taken a million and one mementos back with him. He wasn't even sure where he would put all the stuff he would collect from his next expedition into the unknown! 

It would be very different, of course, as the last one had a very specific goal and was a quest to save the entire world from a great evil. Koops had to admit that Bowser wasn't actually THAT evil - the Koopa King had always been there and seemed to have no trouble running his labyrinth complex in a way that kept it ticking over, kept most people alive. They could do better, of course, but the only other real option was Princess Peach and after seeing what kind of darkness lay in her heart, he was always a little worried that it might come out, somehow, somewhere, at exactly the wrong moment. At least you know exactly where you were with Bowser, big hairy warts on his nose and all. The idea of him getting a magic wand that granted him his every wish, however, was not something Koops wanted to contemplate, especially when it completely destabilised the way that wishes - and falling stars - normally worked. That was something he suspected would turn out badly whoever was in charge of it, except maybe Koopie Koo, who would just be as practical and sensible with it as always, probably use it to do the dishes and then put it back.

 

By contrast, this was just an expedition to see how far exactly a ship could take them, bring back whatever valuable new trade goods they could, maybe discover a new continent and race of people or two. The more lost continents and ancient ruins the better. Bonus points if they could get the ship back in one piece this time, although two pieces were acceptable if both pieces still floated.

Koops had to admit he felt some trepidation at going on what could be a life-threatening adventure with people he didn't know and had no reason to trust where he had barely any details of what to expect. However, he reminded himself firmly that he hadn't really known Mario when he first set out with him, apart from through urban legends, and as quite a few of said legends involved violent altercations with Koopa guards, they weren't exactly encouraging. Mario was a hero, yes, but he not only was a hero on such a grand scale that it was rather intimidating in and of itself to stand in his presence, he wasn't necessary a Koopa's hero. What was more, to travel with Mario meant that it was automatically Mario's adventure, especially when it involved Mario's specialisms - rescuing princesses from Bowser (again, Koops was a little worried he would be mistaken for Bowser on a bad hair day), saving the world, messing about with stars in some way and generally being epic. One day Koops was going to be that epic as well, of course, and there would be just as many legends written about him and nobody except Koopie Koo, who would probably still be nagging him to remember his underwear, would be able to see him as just the slightly wishy-washy, pretentious Koopa next door any more. However, he needed to find adventures personalised to his own tastes and start small so he could practice having epic adventures of his own without riding on the coat-tails (overall straps?) of someone else. 

He just wished he didn't have the sneaking suspicion that his fiance was, as usual, entirely right, and this was just a moneymaking ploy that would end up with Flavio having all the riches and glory, if any riches and glory even existed in all of this. Maybe it wasn't the best place to start, once in a lifetime opportunity or not (come to think of it, he did sort of remember there being a similar once in a lifetime opportunity on the notice board last year). For instance, he could ask Bobbery for a lift somewhere. Maybe he could even persuade the venerable Bob-Omb sailor to take him to the moon where his own people already had a colony! Bob-Ombs were kinda cool, being able to explode and reform like that, although it was a little scary to right next to them when they did it because they were angry or excited or just bored. Or he could go and check out what that little Yoshi kid was up to. he had been a cool friend to hang around with. Koops had to admit he had no idea where the little guy had gone to, though. When you still didn't really know who you were, Koops imagined the world was wide open to you. Come to think of it, Bobbery could be damn near anywhere in the world, seeing as he had a boat and could even get into space if he had enough friends around who were in an explodey mood. 

No, he told himself, everyone else was having their own adventures now. It was time for him to grasp the opportunity to do the same.

After dinner, of course.

 

Koops had been to strange and exotic locations far and wide but he still wasn't quite used to how busy a port town could get when the boats came in, especially when someone like Flavio was causing more of a fuss than usual and he had been at home in his sleepy village with Koopie Koo for long enough that he'd become to used to that life again.

In the middle of an otherwise ordinary working day, the port was bustling as usual. Fishing liners and trade galleons filled the bays, sailors securing the ropes while dock workers scuttled around and yelled to each other in what could have been another language altogether for all that Koops could understand the technicalities of nautical terms, as they hauled crates onto trolleys and cranes to offload them from ships or replenish the cargo with goods to take to some other far-off location. A gang of Toads carrying a large crate of fish began screeching and swearing in their high-pitched tongue as a couple of Goombas with cat tails and ears began meowing and bouncing towards them. Koops darted in surprise behind a stack of crates to escape the furor when he noticed, stood on top of the pile, slightly veiled in the shadows, another face he knew well - or rather, a certain pointy noise and twitchy whiskers. The nose was pointed definitively in the direction of the same ship he had been heading towards, easily recognisable as the most flamboyant vessel in the harbour. Painted bright red with a figurehead carved like a dragon from whose sharp-fanged maw a spiralling plume of flames streamed, every other square inch of the boat's panels were engraved with blossoming flowers, Pianta women in flower skirts and, in elegant script, the ship's name, 'Flavion Reborn'. The man himself stood in front of the gangplank, ordering about a gang of sailors while having a heated argument with a dock official. As usual, a crowd of onlookers had formed around him. Koops couldn't tell which ones were there to answer the advertisement and which were just passers-by who wanted to know what all the fuss was about. He saw a few who looked like heroic adventuring types, strapping lads in travel clothes, swords at their belts. He even saw someone who reminded him a lot of Rawk Hawk. However, the others he didn't have a clue about - he didn't exactly look like the adventuring type himself, so he couldn't count on being able to spot his fellow heroes. 

Of the woman who watched them all silently from the crate, however, there could be no doubt. Koops couldn't imagine there being more than one of her. 

"That you, Ms. Mowz?" he called as loudly as he could without being heard, which would probably get him glared at by the secretive Squeek. Her ears went stiff and her fur briefly stood on end before she turned around and pointedly stared at him, betraying no further surprise. 

"Koops?" she whispered, "What are you doing here?"

"I'm going on an adventure!" he beamed, "How 'bout you?"

"Don't you have a girlfriend now?"

"Exactly, I've got to come home with a gift for her!" he explained, "You're not gonna steal from the expedition, are you?"

"Me? Steal? Who do you think I am?" she pouted, showing off heavily rouged lips that contrasted nicely with her perfectly groomed white fur, "I'm here as Flavio's consultant. I'm an expert appraiser of rare treasure, don't you know?"

"Why are you sneaking around behind crates if you're not up to anything?"

"I... may be just a little worried I'm still banned from the harbour. There've been certain misunderstandings before. Honestly, dearie, I think they just don’t like mice around here."

Koops was fairly sure he remembered hearing about good reasons for not having mice on ships. Or it might have been rats. He would probably be slapped hard if he accidentally compared Ms. Mowz to a rat. 

“If Flavio hired you, can’t you get him to let you in?” asked Koops, looking down at the argument that had suddenly gotten even louder.

“What did you think the argument was about? I’m not the only person the harbour master isn’t keen on letting in, mind you,” she said, “That big bony fellow was supposed to come, but no, apparently he’s too terrifying and also doesn’t fit! If that’s not blatant discrimination, I don’t know what is!”

Koops was fairly sure he knew who ‘that big bony fellow’ was supposed to be and he had to admit he didn’t see any way of cramming Cortez into the busy harbour either. He scratched his head, “So what are we going to do, then? I can try and help. Maybe if they see we’re together...”

“Oh, it’s okay, I can sneak on board quite easily by myself, thank you very much. And I’ve got a few disguises up my sleeve if that doesn’t work,” Koops glanced a few times at her red opera mask and high heels and did not see anything that could be described as a sleeve, “How about you, little Koopa? How are you going to get past all those people? I’m impressed at you for coming, by the way, you’re becoming a regular hero!”

Koops beamed at the compliment, ignoring the fact that he was being called ‘little’ by a mouse.

"Oh, darling, I know what would be an amazing adventure!" piped up the mouse suddenly. Startled, Koops almost tripped over a fish that had landed at his feet. The porters had managed to gather up as many as they could and stuff them back in the crates but the cat-Goombas had run off with quite a few. One feline brown blob had caught wind of the errant fish and was now bounding towards the Koopa, "Hide me inside your backpack! Quickly, before that dreadful creature attempts to eat me!"

Ms. Mowz not being that much smaller than a cat-Goomba, Koops found that unlikely, and anyway he had packed his bag up very tightly with all the things that Koopie Koo had made him pack, plus the extras he had managed to smuggle inside the backpack while he wasn't being watched. He didn't want to reveal to the known thief what he was carrying, though, in case Samus figurines were worth something on the black market.

"I thought you said you weren't going to sneak around," he reminded her, "Because you'e not a thief. A respectable consultant would be able to just sort all of this out."

"Oh, but the port officials are so boorish and ignorant, they would never understand the feelings of a lady! You absolutely MUST help me!"

"Um... I know, you could pretend to be my pet mouse!"

"Are you suggesting I look like a pet mouse?" she glared at him until he backed away.

“Of course not. How silly of me,” he stammered, “Well, you could sit on my head and pretend that we’re really a Koopa mouse?”

“What’s a Koopa mouse?”

“A cross between a Koopa and a mouse! I… guess?”

“Are you sure there’s really such thing as a Koopa mouse?”

“Well… probably… somewhere… it’s a big world out there… okay, maybe not, but the port officials don’t know that, do they?”

“Well, if they’re silly enough to mistake as Squeek for a pet mouse, they’ll believe a story about a Koopa mouse. Just don’t drop me, or I’ll bite you!”

Pursued by a fiercely yowling cat-Goomba who kept trying to eat his shoes, the Koopa-mouse didn’t feel quite as silly as he walked up to the brightly coloured ship. Flavio had apparently finished screaming at bureaucrats about letting his passengers on board, or given up, or forgotten what he was doing, it was hard to tell, because now he was more enthusiastic about insisting he didn’t need paperwork and he certainly didn’t need to pay for paperwork and there was a perfectly good reason for him both to randomly turn up at port and have posted flyers literally everywhere without permission asking for crew.

“It adds to the MYSTIQUE!” he yelled, “You can’t attract adventurers without a little mystique! And anyway, I have implied permission, as did my father before me, and his father before him, and...”

“And stop picking on my buddy, or you get RAWKED!” a certain now very familiar, heavily muscled bird of prey joined in. Koops wasn’t sure how he was even going to get himself heard until Flavio stared at him and gasped, theatrically.

“My, it is none other than a rare Koopa-mouse! Did you not know they are excellent omens of a fruitful voyage! It would be terrible luck to deny us passage now! Or do you want the CURSE OF THE KOOPA-MOUSE upon you?”

“Oh, hi there, squirt! Hi, lady!” Rawk Hawk grinned at them.

“Oh, what a coincidence, we’re going to be adventuring buddies!” Koops tried his best to grin back as he thought to himself what a nightmare getting any words in edgeways, never mind recognition as a hero, was going to be with those two around.

“… And you have still not even bothered enquiring as to how best you may accommodate my differently sized colleague!” Flavio sniffed.

"What diff..." began the Pianta bureaucrat, rather large himself, just before he was thrown backwards by an immense tidal wave that suddenly crashed into the port. The cat-Goombas were swept away too, yowling their ferocious indignity as they desperately struggled to keep hold of their fish. Sailors scrambled to secure their cargo better against the unnatural wave, moving boats out of the way as the vast skeletal figure rose out of the water. 

"Cortez! I do apologise for how these people have treated you!" remarked Flavio, waving the monstrous skeleton towards his ship and out of trouble, "This is no way to treat an expert navigator!"

"Oh, hi there, Cortez, I thought you were with Bobbery," Koops waved at him. A drenched, decidedly unhappy mouse clung to his head with rather pointy feet, splashing him again as she wrung out her fur.

"I am! He's at the helm, waiting for the order to set sail," explained the skeleton.

"Well, he might want to get on that sharpish if he doesn't want the town guard after us," remarked Ms. Mowz, pointing to the screaming crowd with her tail.

"We have caused rather a fuss, haven't we? I told the boss we'd save a lot of time and energy if we just did the official paperwork and that the extra cost wouldn't be that much after we'd already hired such elite crew. He doesn't listen to anyone, though."

"I noticed," the mouse muttered.

"It's nice to have everyone together, though!" chirped up Koops, "I didn't think there'd be so many people I know!"

"I suspect we're all here for the same reason. The adventuring bug bit us back there and it still hasn't worn off. We can't go on a quest that epic and just return to our normal lives that easily, not knowing there's such a huge world out there."

“I wonder who else we’ll meet along the way.”

“Well, we can’t know unless we go out there and see for ourselves,” the mouse wisely concluded.

“Okay, everyone board! We’re leaving now!” bellowed Rawk Hawk, who had climbed into the crow’s nest in the confusion. The foghorn sounded, everyone began piling up the gangplank and then, leaving complete pandemonium in their wake, the exploration vessel ‘Flavion Reborn’ set off into the glittering sunset.


End file.
